It was Friday night.  Our Five Rhythms Dance session was closing.  Our Facilitator/DJ invited us to write to her about what is going on for us during our dance.  This is what I wrote:
 
By the time Friday comes around I am usually tired and ready to close up the working week.  So attending Five Rhythms on Friday night is a process of listening to my body and paying attention to what I need in that moment.  It’s a body/mind piece.  So, this Friday gone, my body said “Yes, I want to dance out these feelings.”
 
So what was I bringing with me into the dance?  The week marked the first anniversary of my mother’s death.  The grief I experience is complex, reflecting family relational dynamics.  Layered in with this loss is my own life stage of changing my work and my lifestyle – a process of transition, healing, letting go, a return of my authentic self.  This Easter I had a personal “Aha” moment of resurrection – *it’s the body that rises!!* (said I to myself)  But not in the future… in the present.  I feel an invitation to manifest a resurrection of Self in mind, body and soul as I go about my days.  Doing some advanced training in bodywork practice recently has also been evoking the activity of my inner child.  Also, working with other people’s mental health struggles has its own impact on me.  On Friday I had spent the day with my 30 wonderful colleagues, packed into a room for a workshop on difficult topics.  All of this and more came with me to the dance on Friday.  The moment I walk into the dance room I’m no longer alone in my process.  I’m with others in a place of safety and respect.  This is immensely important for me.
 
During the initial Flowing Movement, I lie on the floor to connect with the earth through the structure of the building.  I feel supported by the earth.  Drawing earth energy is an important part of my dance – it connects me to creation and evolution.  I find the music helps to put a shape and feeling on the energetic space.  With the initial soft music I invite my body to open up to the space and let the music in.  When I stretch its my body that wants to stretch.  I invite my body to decide what part needs movement and stretching and opening up.  This Friday, during this soft flow I felt all of my energy held, somewhat blocked, somewhat of a burden within my body.
 
With a change in the music, and seeing others begin to move, I allow in the whole of what’s around me.  I noticed a woman carrying a baby in the womb.  I wanted to be mindful of whatever energy I was releasing and trusting that she can manage her boundaries in this too.  It helps me connect to my inner child and to the transpersonal in my experience.  Moving gently, barefoot on the floor, it takes me time to get a sense of my presence in the space around me.  I connect my body to the music and I feel oriented.  At first its in my core and I let my limbs just be connected there.  However, in the soft beginnings, I’m anticipating the development of the rhythms.  I feel an urge to move a lot more, send more of my core energy to my limbs and my head, and I need to be patient with myself and the pace of the session.  I’m also listening to the aches and injuries and twinges I’ve collected in my body.
 
Switching to Staccato Movement, as the rhythm picks up to a clearer, stronger beat, I listen to the sounds of the different instruments and voices.  I let my body go with those.  I feel the energy flowing out from my core to any area of my body that wants to manifest what is happening in the music.  When I’m in this space human voices transport me to a soft and emotional place within myself – such a diverse range of emotions – I’m amazed with what I encounter in there.  Piano music reaches into my chest and just opens me out – its so freeing.  And there it is.  I feel my grief, pain, love, anger, struggle, joy and more, all rising for the dance.  That Friday I had a sense of my inner child manifesting in the dance.  Playful.  I also had a sense of manifesting life that was bigger than me, flowing out of me and into the room.  This was beautiful for me.
 
The invitation to connect my dance with others on the floor is a challenge for me.  I am genuinely amazed that anyone is willing to share their dance with me.  It is always a gift for me and one I find challenging to receive.  I tell myself “Go with, Ray, go with!!”  I’m still processing this experience in my reflections.  Its quite amazing.
 
When the Chaos Movement comes its wonderful.  At this stage I’m no longer dancing but my inner world is out there dancing.  My anger and stress pop and pounce.  I feel the pain and suffering and trauma of my own life connect with the pain/suffering/trauma of my loved ones, my clients, my communities.  I need to breathe and stay connected to my body during this – to release the energy rather than strain myself.  I feel sometimes a need to be in the earth and lifting that energy through me – at times I am aware of my animal nature, it’s a raw, earthy, physical experience – this is where my voice gets activated.  Sometimes the energy that comes out is just energy – I’m just letting the music take over.
 
Switching again to Lyrical Movement the music changes to something more sparkly I hear it described as “Miracle” music rather than Lyrical and miracle is what I feel.  That Friday I had a real sense of having let go and connecting to an essence within myself.  I felt wings open out from my back – huge wings.  I felt them open up fearlessly, minding, commanding.  I also had a very powerful experience of my inner child being present in this “miracle” stage, also without fear (this is new – they are usually terrified!!!).  This was the moment I felt resurrected in my body.  Something new and amazing.  I often feel tears at this stage of sessions like this.  I’m vulnerable but grounded and without fear.  Its gentle and connected.
 
Settling into Stillness on the floor is a period of deep calm and heightened awareness for me.  I feel connected to everything – it’s a deep kind of meditative awareness.  When we gather together, hand in hand in hand in a circle with the other dancers, its a moment of integration and wholeness.  I get a feeling of belonging.  I’ve only recently been attending this group, but I can feel a belonging to the group.  I can feel a belonging in this world.